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David M. Smith
Photo: © Corey N. M. Kohn
For many years I suffered from the delusion that somehow there could be a way around the Buddha’s first noble truth. That if I could just arrange the conditions of my life in just the right way that I could experience pleasure and avoid pain, most if not all of the time. I sought refuge through the use of drugs, alcohol, sex, praise, fame and any other object or substance that resulted in immediate gratification. I would cling to and crave after them constantly and consistently, believing that this would bring permanent happiness or pleasure. In many ways I was addicted to the experience of pleasure. This constant craving that the Buddha points to in the teaching of dependant origination was ultimately the cause of all my suffering. Paradoxically, chasing after pleasure to avoid pain resulted in so much suffering that I finally had to surrender to the truth. I had to defy the lie that I had long told myself.
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